All I Ever Wanted Was to Belong

All I Ever Wanted Was to Belong
By Sharon Palay, Member, Bet Shalom Congregation, Minnetonka, MinnesotaI’m a human being and trying to follow my ancestral footsteps, but it’s been hard because of my physical limitations. My name is Sharon. I am a Reform Jew born and raised in a small town in North Dakota. My mom took me to B’nai Israel Synagogue. I remember snuggling close to her, loving the bright and beautiful stained glass windows that lit up the whole sanctuary. I have cerebral palsy. I use a wheelchair. Sometimes people have a difficult time understanding what I say—and I do have a lot to say! To get into the synagogue my dad and uncle would carry me up the steps in my wheelchair. There were more stairs going up to the bimah. One Sukkot my mom took me up to the bimah. We stood under the chuppah and I saw the Torah for the first time. It would be the last time I would be close to the Torah scroll for many years.
I attended Ann Carlson Crippled Children Christian Boarding School in Jamestown. The Federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act was years away, so there were no laws mandating education for children with disabilities. I learned how to live independently. Academics were not stressed. But the Christian religion was. As the only Jew, I sat in the hallway on Sunday mornings to wait for my peers to come back from church services. I felt very isolated. When I came home from school mom would teach me about being Jewish. We read stories about Jewish holidays. On rare occasions, I went to religious school. I felt like an outsider because I didn’t know much about Judaism.

I was 27 when I moved to Minneapolis. I chose Minneapolis because it was a bigger Jewish community for me to join. I started my 14 year journey to find a synagogue. I would call synagogues to get information about joining. Gatekeepers answered phones at all the synagogues. “We can’t help you,” they all said.

In 2001, Jewish Family and Children’s Service of Minneapolis started the Jewish Community Inclusion Program for People with Disabilities. The program manager, Shelly, met with me. She was the first person to ask what my goals were for participating in the Jewish community. “All I’ve ever wanted was to belong,” I replied. This was the beginning of my new life.

I wanted to join Bet Shalom Congregation because the new building was accessible. After meeting with Rabbi Norman Cohen, I decided to join. While still at the synagogue I called to schedule a ride for the next Erev Shabbat services.

I was persistent. The staff at Bet Shalom was very supportive and welcoming, helping me achieve my Jewish goals. I attended services and started learning Hebrew. People started to see me around the synagogue and some would talk with me. It wasn’t always easy, but once I found my Jewish home I didn’t give up. Eventually I celebrated becoming a bat mitzvah. I read the first three verses of B’reishit, the parashah in which we read that each person is created b’tzelem Elohim, in the Divine Image. That includes me and all other people who have disabilities.

What has changed for me? I finally practice my faith. I participate in physical fitness at the Sabes Jewish Community Center and volunteer at a class for young adults who have disabilities. I co-chair Bet Shalom’s Inclusion Committee and attend Torah study classes. The first time I met Rabbi Cohen he asked me if my parents were alive. Both of them had died by then. I told the rabbi that I had never said Kaddish for them. It was a stunning realization for the rabbi and for me that one of the most important traditions in Judaism had been denied to me because of my disability. Now I say Kaddish for my parents and honor their memory.

Bet Shalom has given to me a place to call my own and to feel accepted for who I am. And I think I opened the eyes of my Jewish community to accept all kinds of people regardless of their physical, emotional and hidden disabilities.