Great Expectations

Great Expectations
By Jill Chaus, Member, United Jewish Center in Danbury, Connecticut
My 18 year old son, Aitan, lives with autism and learned about NFTY Northeast’s December Institute. Inspired by his younger brother’s experiences in NFTY and at Camp Eisner, Aitan anxiously wanted to participate. I made a plea to the NFTY Northeast Advisor, Rachel Mersky Woda, to accept Aitan into the program and offered to be available as needed. She was thrilled to learn I was also a social worker who works with people with disabilities and asked if I'd be willing to teach participants and staff about increasing our sensitivity to include people with disabilities. I was delighted. But preparing to go to Institute was difficult for me. I feared it would overwhelm Aitan, and I'd kick myself for setting him up to fail. Aitan was not nervous at all. He was only excited that he could finally be included. His confidence and positive attitude are what really drove me.
The truth is, once Aitan and I arrived, he taught all of us. Aitan attends a private school and requires an aide throughout the day. However, once he walked into the program, he was supported by a force greater than any of the professionals he has ever worked with. He was motivated by the desire to fit in, make friends and be accepted. I also saw the sensitivity and compassion of the young teens that strived to make him comfortable, without any instruction. Aitan spent his days attending the full program, slept in a bunk with 20 typical young teens and ate meals with the group. Whenever I would check in with him, he quietly would ask me to leave him alone because I was “cramping his style.”
I facilitated groups about sensitivity and inclusion. I was surprised at how receptive the kids were. They were anxious to share their own stories of how they have either been touched by people who are disabled or felt discrimination toward their family members who are disabled. Some shared in what ways they were disabled and were relieved to talk about it in a safe environment.
As the week progressed I saw how apart from my sessions, the teens were experiencing Aitan and getting a hands-on education that came naturally. Aitan was fully, whole heartedly accepted that week, even performing an original song in the talent show his last night of the Institute. (Visit youtube.com and search Aitan Harpaz to see video.) As he sang, you could hear a pin drop, and when he finished, all the kids jumped to their feet to applaud and cheer for him.
I was walking on cloud nine! I raised an amazing young man of whom I am incredibly proud. I took a risk bringing Aitan somewhere where they were not prepared for him but was rewarded with the best gift ever. I was given the confidence to know the limits are as high or as low as I set them. As parents, we naturally want to protect our children. We do not want to see them fail or be scrutinized or rejected. Mistakenly, many of us hold our own children back from their peers because of this fear. Doing this isolates us and our children. We feel different and rejected. In truth, much of this feeling is created by our own actions. We think they won’t be accepted, but we don’t often put them in situations that can prove otherwise.
Aitan has made many friends from the experience and he looks forward to attending future NFTY events. This is Aitan’s senior year, which means that he is at the end of his NFTY experience. He will see his peers go off to college and get jobs. His social experiences with typical peers will decrease. It makes me sad because he is a late bloomer who is just finding his niche here at NFTY. He loves helping others who need more support than him, is a terrific advocate for himself and very kind and thoughtful of others. Perhaps he could be a liaison or a mentor to others coming in. In the end, he and I learned more than anything we could have ever taught: In the right environment he isn’t that disabled after all. Thank you, NFTY Northeast, for an experience that will last a lifetime for our family.